I've officially switched Hardware Store loyalties. For a number of years simple proximity influenced my choice to frequent, "Hardware Dan's". Hardware Dan's being three miles from my home, "Larry's", triple the distance at almost nine miles. Over a period of time I have painfully discovered it is well worth driving the extra distance. Anymore, Larry's would have to be located in a remote Tunisian village before I would opt for the more convenient three mile drive. Price point and inventory being basically similar, factors such as customer service and overall shopping experience have influenced my shift in loyalty. Here is a brief but disturbingly accurate comparison. . ______________________________________________________________________________ Location . Larry's: Locates their stores next to establishments like; Saks Fifth Avenue, Crate & Barrel, Lord & Taylor, etc. restaurants like Carrabba's, Ruby Tuesday's, Applebee's, etc. Sometimes their stores are near beautiful parks, complete with petting zoos, pony rides, and complimentary home-made ice cream. Hardware Dan's: Locates their stores next to establishments like; The County Pauper's Grave Cemetery. A Solid-Waste Incinerator, Jimmy's Last Chance Bail Bonds, or an unlicensed deviled crab stand, recently shut down by the Health Department for selling an unpleasant, and unidentifiable non-crab substance. ______________________________________________________________________________ The Parking Lot . Larry's: The parking lot is as tidy and well maintained as a Dutch Lady's tulip garden. Even the customers park in an orderly manner. Shopping carts, from the grocery store type on up to those eight-wheeled rolling platforms used for transporting a small home are never strewn about the lot, instead shopping carts are lined up at the front of the store like spit shine military school cadets. Hardware Dan's: The majority of parking spaces are occupied by shopping carts. If you will be needing a shopping cart, don't bother to enter the store before securing one first. The only carts you will find inside are piled high with returned merchandise or items designated for restock. You might find a cart partially filled and abandoned by a customer who gave up while waiting in the "opening of Star Wars length " checkout line. Feel free to empty it and use it. This can be a risky maneuver, be careful not to unload someone's cart. ______________________________________________________________________________ Stock . Larry's: Stock is always where it is supposed to be, and behind each opened container is the next full box ready for disbursement. I believe Larry's deploys a sizeable army of fastidious gnomes whose sole purpose in life is to immediately return misplaced merchandise to it's rightful position on the display rack. Nothing ever seems to be out of place. Actual re-stocking during business hours is performed unobtrusively, bordering on clandestinely. Hardware Dan's: Stock may be anywhere at anytime, you might find a bag of cement mix in the carpet and flooring isle, plumbing parts in the electrical isle, or a Sego Palm in the Roofing Isle. The Hardware Dan's I used to frequent was out of a simple PVC elbow for well over six months. Just for kicks I like to visit the Nuts and Bolts Miscellaneous Hardware Section. You know the area, it's where all the little bags and boxes and bins of little screws and bolts and whatnots are kept. Granted this area is ripe for chaos, but here it takes on a life of it's own,almost an art form. I'm convinced the stock is loaded into a giant Mixmaster, then sprayed into the racks. Customers in this section resemble a flock of Ibis patrolling the surf in search of an illusive fiddler crab. Sometimes shoppers come to this section and stay for days just to find the right part, maybe just a simple bag of (#6 - 2") wood screws. ______________________________________________________________________________ Cleanliness & Ambience . Larry's: Immaculately clean, well organized, and well lit. Anita Baker's "Caught up in the Rapture of Love" softly wafts through the rafters via a Bose surround sound system. I believe Feng Shui and aroma therapy specialists are on staff. Hardware Dan's: Typically the store looks as if a fraternity kegger was held the night before and the cleaning crew who was in attendance is still passed out in the paint department come opening time. The sound system (a boom box duct taped to a bull horn) is blaring Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell". This might actually fall on the plus side for Hardware Dan's - Billy Idol Rules! Sorry Anita. ______________________________________________________________________________ Staff . Larry's: The Staff is embarrassingly attentive. They treat you like you are one of the Beatles. If you furrow your brow, look the least bit in need, or simply pause for a moment, an employee eagerly rushes to your aid. As a teen I once stumbled into a restricted area at an Army base. Soldiers, military police with walkie talkies, and a Full Bird Colonel in a chauffeured jeep all converged on me in a blitzkrieg-like pincer movement. I have on occasion experienced the same level of attention while shopping at Larry's. Hardware Dan's: I believe I know where the staff may be hiding on any given day; Sadam's vacated spider hole. On rare occasion you might actually get a glimpse of an employee, but it's very much like wolf spotting in Yellowstone. It's from a great distance, visible only with binoculars, and If the wind changes and they pick up your scent, they are gone in a flash. If you so much as rustle a leaf, their keen ears perk up and, you guesed it ! Gone in a flash. I've never actually spoken with an employee other than a cashier. ______________________________________________________________________________ Check Out . Larry's: The check out line is either vacant with a friendly attendant waiting or maybe on a busy weekend a couple of people are in queue. In the rare event a small line forms, an attendant is rushed to the area, where upon they immediately begin distribution of assorted finger sandwiches, desserts, and cold Perrier water. Hardware Dan's: The check out line is slightly longer than the line for the original opening of Star Wars. While waiting in line it is not unusual to see people pitching tents, children being born, a reading of Atlas Shrugs, or people spinning their own yarn. ______________________________________________________________________________ Uniforms . Larry's: Uniforms are just that, uniform. All attendants are neatly dressed in attractive blue and white outfits. Pants pressed, white shirts sparkling clean, and shoes shined. Younger attendants look like fresh bible-belt college kids, the more senior attendants look like distinguished bankers or possibly an elite private school principal. Hardware Dan's: Uniform is an apron, a well worn dirty apron at that. Underneath the apron might be a pair of raggedy jeans, Daisy Dukes, an Ozzie Osborne for president T-shirt, or quite possibly nothing at all. ______________________________________________________________________________ Layout . Larry's: Aisles, placement of stock, and general store layout is well thought out. Everything is designed to provide ample space for customers to move about effortlessly and find merchandise with ease. Floors are clean and free of refuse. Hardware Dan's: An unruly kindergarten class was responsible for the layout of the store. Placement of stock is precarious at best. A sense of danger and frustration is palpable. The aisles resemble "Fibber McGee's" closet.  Chaos is the order of the day. ______________________________________________________________________________ Out of Stock . Larry's: I sincerely apologize that our store is currently out of that particular item. The store manager has been notified, and our Inventory specialist is being severely admonished as we speak. The item has been special ordered and will be air mailed overnight. A special envoy will be dispatched to your home the moment your order arrives. Charges have been waived in compensation for your inconvenience. Again we apologize and beg your forgiveness. Here is my personal business card should you need any further assistance. Hardware Dan's: We might carry that, but finding it would be nothing short of a miracle, I can't help you anyway I'm due to take my break. By the way, how did you manage to sneak up on me, I have the instincts of a wolf when it comes to avoiding humans?