Is the World producing more Jerks & are they harmful to the environment ? I'm of the opinion Jerks are not simply hatched but are nurtured, or more accurately, festered into existence. This is not unlike the great homosexual debate, in which one camp is lined up behind the DNA Coding Theory, the other staunchly gathered round the Learned Behavior / Socialization Theory. I personally believe sexual identity is determined by the Easter Bunny, quite possibly in conjunction with the beloved Disney character Jiminy Cricket. I suspect Jiminy and the Bunny creep into each pregnant mothers room while she sleeps and sprinkle either Hetero or Homo dust on the belly, it then sifts thru to the womb and establishes the child's sexual identity. I believe they work on a simple quota system, not too may gays not too many straights, just the right balance. At any rate I believe the healthy thing for us to do as a conscientious society is to angrily debate this matter passionately and indefinitely, even as the planet melts away from scorching heat or implodes as a result of it's life juices being sucked out barrel by barrel. I'm absolutely certain the matter of sex organ utilization is singularly the most important issue we can all focus our attention on. With that said, I still can't help but laugh at the sight of a hairy legged man in a nice yellow sun dress. Mr.Vaughn, the burly thick-thighed Phys Ed coach at San Carlo Junior High School was purported to be a big fan of the sun dress. I believe he shopped exclusively at Lane Bryant and wore every bit of a size twenty. But I digress. There are a number of different ways to identify Jerks, and the very nature of a Jerk makes them easy to spot, subtlety not being their long suit. We all know a Jerk and have quite possibly been a Jerk ourselves. Anyone can be a Jerk, unfortunately it's not difficult, with a little practice and modicum of devotion you can be severely annoying friends as well as complete strangers in no time at all. Keep in mind this document has nothing to do with "Jerk" seasoning. There is no one specific recipe for jerk seasoning, basic ingredients being chilies, thyme, cinnamon, ginger, allspice, cloves, garlic and onions. Jerk has a very distinctive flavor that is both hot and savory. Mostly any combination that includes peppers, garlic, onion and some "secret spices" can be considered Jerk. Authentic Jerk requires chilies and ingredients from the family of savory spices such as allspice or cloves. Again I digress. .  And Now a Word about our Friend the Jerk -  Latin; Jerkus Avoidus Jerks are usually loud, and wear entirely too much fugazi cologne. Jerks are notoriously poor tippers, justifying their miserly behavior with comments such as; "It's her job to bring me nine glasses of sweet tea", or "that third plate of all you can eat riblets was a little dry", or "that 64 oz. Finish it and it's Free Rump Roast tasted like horse meat". Jerks are experts on all subjects, ranging from silk worm production to land speed records year by year dating back to 1946. Factual integrity is not as important as an unyielding demonstrative delivery. My Uncle Victor, a self professed Jerk, when making a statement such as, "you know if a porpoise and a manatee were to mate, they would produce a form of whale", would follow up with "look it up it's a fact! " I never quite knew where the hell to look up his factoids, but I guess he felt that "look it up it's a fact! " was all he needed to validate his preposterous assortment of comments. Jerks know all the Jeopardy answers, even the really obscure and difficult ones. The catch is they always simply acknowledge the answer after the fact with a smug, "I knew that". Jerks are all about: "I used to" or "I'm going to". Some Common Jerkism: I used to sit in on bass with the Rolling Stones, back when they were really hot, coming from a guy who has no idea who Bill Wyman is. I used to spar with Bruce Lee, he wasn't as fast as you think, coming from a guy who's sister can still take him in a fair fight,  I used to bench press 450, in Grams maybe. I used to have a 30 inch waist, when you were in the third grade, current waist size 52. I used to go out with a model, a cheap plastic model of a more or less anatomically correct female. I'm going to take up fly fishing , when fish learn to fly fish. I'm going to join a Karate school , you're going to splash on way too much Hi-Karate after shave. I'm going to join a Gym, after you have another dozen beers with your drinking buddy, Jim. I'm going to go back to school, your GED anxiously awaits. I'm going to quit my job and start my own business, you're going to quit your job . Simple Guidelines to follow if you wish to succeed as a Jerk: Talk over others incessantly, no need to wait for a pause in the conversation, simply blurt out your inane commentary at will. Look at your watch repeatedly while others are speaking to you. High Five a lot, even after a particularly rousing Sunday morning hymnal. Never let others ahead of you in traffic, use your horn frequently. Swear at Pedestrians. Split hairs theologically, if you are an Anointed Living Water Mountain Baptist, aggressively condemn all Anointed Living Water Valley Baptists. Divulge to others the cost of every luxury item you possess or plan to possess. In great detail describe how you beat down the car dealership on the price of your new Suburban. Constantly use "air quotes" even when simply clearing your throat. Prop your feet up on everything, even if it's a rare mint condition Louis XIV gilded commode. Make sure your shoes are on, preferably Vibram sole work boots. Yell at the TV, bitch about the Tele-Tubbies, lecherously comment about Kelly Ripa. Complain loudly about Non-English speaking peoples, even when visiting their country. Leave your air conditioned corner office, stroll into the 110 degree warehouse and horn in on a conversation about boats with some heat exhausted laborers. Complain about how your 42 foot Sea Ray Sport Yacht has a hopelessly inadequate shower in the head. Make sure you complain to a group of guys who are considering joint ownership on a $325 fixer upper amenities free fishing skiff. > And last but not least, write a "tongue n' cheek" short story about Jerks !